Thing One

Thing One is a doll with happy freckled face and angry red hair. He came to me on a summer morning within a cereal box. And I decided to carry him along at the first sight.

He stayed at the corner of my backpack.  I had to pull away lots of junk to get him out. "How are you doing, thing one?" I said. He replied with his heartless smile. His smile can remind me lots of things. For example, I need to brush my teeth harder or the younger days when I had faith in understanding the universe using my own theory, not from books or schools or whatever. 

I don't remember when he stopped giving me accompany just like I can't recall where he got his cool name from. Maybe I lost him during the moves. Or he started a new adventure himself. In any case, he will be doing ok since he is as strong as his smile.  I will wave hands at him if I see him or not.

Dear John

I like John's class but I am never one of his favorite students. Surprisingly for a person who lacks life experience and social skills, I am pretty good at handling these kinds of situation. The trick is simply 'be myself'.

As Forrest Gump put it this way: 'That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run.' The words hit me when I first watched the movie. And they hit me again last year April. Therefore, I found myself an old pair of sweatpants, an oversized cotton t-shirt and dusted off my sneaker. I showed up at John's class.

"If you are new or newish..." He stopped beside me. "You might want to move to the front." He said. However, in my opinion the best spot for me was as close as to the exit. I was very sure I could not stand to the end of the class. My reaction to his advice made him walk away for couple of months.

I was clumsy. I was out of breathe. I fell. I was beaten up by kickboxing. John didn't say a single word to me. Instead, he observed me struggling. I kept coming back to his class and every time I probably convinced him it was my last time showing up there.

Slowly, I catch up. He started correcting my moves and enjoyed confusing me with his puzzle-like instructions. One day, after a complicated combo, I retreated to the corner for water. He walked pass me and pat me on the shoulder without a word. I nodded back at him with respect.

As my fitness level increased, I had several opportunities to try out other sports, including one invitation to practice marathon. I gave a thought but declined them. I can imagine the achievement of reaching a challenging goal set to your body through discipline and hard work. However, I could not give myself a proper reason. I didn't care too much about my body fat, muscle shape or weight. I was pretty sure I was headstrong already, maybe too much of it which gave me headache as well.

One day I had a phone chat with a runner. She is leading an organization to encourage homeless people to run with her. "You will remember the smiles on their faces. I believe running can help them find the confidence they lost long time ago." She said softly and determinately. " I wish I could join you." I said.

For years, I always felt there was one piece missing in my wardrobe. The feeling kept me looking around and around. Now I figured out the solution to the puzzle. The missing piece is my confidence, my strength and my smile. And John's class, as a hint of the puzzle, takes me to make a deal with my stubborn mind.

I started to inspire people around me going to gym or trying out John's class. Some of them stayed with me. Some of them didn't. It doesn't matter. Spotting the smile on their faces makes me feel like I just completed a marathon.

Reborn

Everyday I woke up twice. The first time, when I was running after the shuttle in the morning, wondering what made the bus become so annoyingly on time. The second time, when I was walking out of the gym and ready to give everyone a big hug.

In the morning, I am a robot. I am programmed to run for the shuttle, fight for the food, drink caffeine, do the work and worry the worry.

In the evening, I am a person who thinks and works. My brain speaks, my body listens and follows. Nothing bothers. I am un-programming myself.

Gym Friends - Alex

"where has Alex been?" I asked when I was getting the ticket to the fitness class.
"He is not working here any more." The new staff replied absently.
"Oh, which building is he working now?"
"He left." His cold tone suggested that any further inquires were not encouraged.

Alex used to be a staff member at our gym. He was about fifty. He was short and strong which gave him a "gym guy" identification easily. One of his duties was to avoid overflow in some popular group fitness classes. Therefore, he was often seen to hand out or collect tickets. That was also how I became acquainted with him.

I remembered it took him a long time to remember my name. For a period of time, our conversation had a simple pattern. We exchanged greetings first, then he asked for my name and I told him. The repetition made me start guiltily as if I had proven again my name sounded so alien to people in this country. I supposed he also felt awkward. "I will remember your name this time." One day he said and he did.

It was him who first noticed my uplifting mood after the workout. "You should keep coming to gym. You always have that beautiful smile on your face after the workout." One day he said when I was waving hands to say goodbye after the exercise. He was so sincere at that moment that it kept me wondering till now what I looked like most of the time to others. Confused, tired, dull, day-dreaming?

" I will." I promised him with a generous smile I could afford only after an hour of hard kicking and punching.

After the new year, I met most of my gym friends but not him. "He might take a long vacation. Everyone needs a good vacation some times." I thought. However, as my imaginary
Alex's vacation got longer and longer, the theory became less and less convincing. Finally, I was told he had been laid off. Strangely enough, the idea that I would never have chance to wish him happy new year occurred to me right after hearing the sad and shocking news.

"He was quite cheerful before the holiday break." People started guessing the exact time he was leaving. Uninteresting and meaningless as I felt, I didn't join the gossip and walked away.

Now, I still go to gym every day. But I am not expecting to meet Alex again. As usual, I get my ticket, put on my gym outfit and sweat. There was once a new print fitness ticket which reminded me of him. "I hope all of us have a happy 2012 no matter what." I thought to myself while staring at the new print.

Think London

Walking through different project recruiting posters, I felt I was more like an intruder instead of an insider.

I slowly walked towards the exit and was stopped by a tall guy with a soft British accent.
"Have you ever considered working at London?" He said cheerfully.
There was a giant poster behind him showing a map of the office location and its nearby attractions. I studied the map with some interest as if I hoped I could immediately spot some convincing evidence from the map that I would fly out to London the next day.

"The office has a nice view of *** and very close to *** station." The guy was also trying to help.
"Why didn't he mention tea party?" I thought amusingly. It could be a good point, at least for me.
'Restaurants in old library where you could have a wonderful dinner.' One notation said so.

Oh, I have seen that scene many many times in my bed time reading books. Lonely londoners always went about his or her own separate business in the library at the lunch time. The visits were usually not for any literary purposes. The reasons could be a free, cozy place to sit; a short break from office nearby; an opportunity to collect free leaflets and discount coupons; a good place to dispose of unwanted personal belongings, or just an alternative place to British museum.

I walked away from the poster thinking of the lonely life in London.

Circle Dance

Make new friends but keep the old,
One is silver, the other gold...

A circle is round, it has no end, it lost the beginning.
All we could do is to dance on the current beat.
Let the smile hold the tear.

The End.

Toes in the sand

Something always reminds me of New York City. It could be an empty campus on a summer Friday afternoon or the moments when I sit beside a tall palm tree or gaze at the mountains or smell the warm breeze in winter. When it occurred, I always had an urge to read aloud the first few lines in the script of Manhattan.

To be continued.

Live the sweat life

L was putting on her spectacular bohemian earring in gym locker room after the kickboxing class.
"Wow. Why didn't you wear it to the class?". I walked by her.
"No way." She laughed as if the idea had never occurred to her.
"I used to be a girl with all sets of makeup and accessories." She said. Her face was still quite flushed due to the exercise.
"I knew what you mean." I smiled. Every girl has her basic daily make-up ritual. It could be complicated or simple, secret or well known, effective or useless. No matter what, we still follow the routine rigorously and keep a keen curiosity for more magic tips if there are any.
"Once I wore the mascara to the class and I ended up having panda's eyes although it was claimed to be waterproof." I said. Some other girls laughed and joined this conversation.
The final conclusion was not surprising. We all became makeup minimalists for exercising. It was not because we believed in "natural beauty" again. It was simply because we gained much more pleasure from exercising than just standing before the mirror and asking "who is the fairest of them all."
Both will make me feel or look good. But I prefer a stronger body and a stronger mind.

Good or Bad

It was just another day. It could be good or bad. I don't really need to understand why. But I need to live with it.

Insomnia has haunted me again. It was fairly new to my life and I have not taken any action to either fight against it or live with it. Being a night owl with daily shift was never a pleasant experience. Good thing was that I somehow sensed a strong correlation between its visits and the intensity level of my workouts. "It takes a long time to make friends with your body, doesn't it?" My physical therapist liked to use this to address all my questions.

Got message that my friend had a family emergency. I gathered myself up and gave accompany. Besides hot tea and quiet accompany, I didn't know what else I could offer. We all knew the day would come eventually. But we never lived the way to prepare for it.

At the same time, another friend was having his big wedding in his home country. It must be filled with fresh cut jasmine and rose flowers and gold decorations as he dreamed for many years. "He must be smiling showing off his shiny white teeth now, like many years ago, when we first met in the office." I thought.

I was tired and my face was quite grey. Nobody must come near me. I went to the restaurant I frequented and ordered an extravagant lunch for myself . "Miss, I wish all the customers could be like you." I was not really expecting a conversation at that moment nor in the mood for it. I looked up confused. "I noticed it only took 12 mins for you to order and finish the dish." The waiter explained with a smile. I was amused by his observation. I laughed as if an irrelevant person and his observation had reminded me of some happy hours before.

Anything could happen, good or bad.
Better by far you should forget and smile,
Than that you should remember and be sad.